Monday, January 23, 2006

The Curse of Danny Lee's Bones

I recently wrote a post dedicated to the fact that I lost the key to the four wheeler. I think that it is now time for me to give you the whole truth. I have dubbed my recent streak of weirdness "The Curse of Danny Lee's Bones."

To begin with, I should probably tell you who Danny Lee is...or was. Danny Lee was a stud horse owned by a friend of mine. His commenter name on here is "DeadCoyote". How appropriate. Anyway, Danny Lee developed a, shall we say, growth on his part that makes him a stud horse. It was a rather large tumor, actually. It was a sad sight to behold. Truthfully, it got so bad that people who saw Danny Lee from the road would call DeadCoyote and ask him what was wrong with his horse.

When it became clear that Danny Lee could not be cured, DeadCoyote did the responsible horse thing. He tied Danny Lee up and put him down. Actually, I think that Danny Lee had also gotten into a barbed wire fence and torn up his leg pretty badly. Whatever the case, Danny Lee was put down for the long dirt nap.

At the present time, Danny Lee is a pile of bones in the pasture. One day while cutting wood, I happened across Danny Lee's bones. I thought it would be funny to put his hips on my head like a helmet and walk around like some deranged Uruk-Hai. It was pretty funny. Me and the DeadCoyote got a good laugh at Danny Lee's expense. Later that day, I lost my sunglasses that I bought in India. I joked to the DeadCoyote that I had been cursed by Danny Lee's bones. We laughed.

I'm not laughing now. Since that day I have lost my sunglasses, four-wheeler key, some very nice Pentax binoculars, shot an eight point buck that's horn spread was 1/2 under club regulations, lost my cell phone, and missed a monster deer that looked like BullWinkle...twice.

This morning, my kitchen flooded. It flooded because we have a ten pound rat running around the house chewing through walls, wiring, plumbing, and anything else he can get his teeth on. He cannot be fooled by traps or poison. He's like Mighty Mouse on steroids. We can hear the beast running through the attic and the walls both day and night...taunting us. My wife is ready to move out. I may set up a ground blind in the kitchen and spotlight for him with my pellet gun tonight. It'll be like The Ghost and the Darkness only it'll be man versus rat instead of man versus lion. You laugh, but this is one scary rodent. I am certain that if I miss he will attempt to go for the jugular. It'll be like the scene from the end of Watership Down where the big bad rabbit lunges for the dog and the dog lunges for the rabbit. That was also one scary rodent.

Of course, I do not believe in the rubbish of curses from the bones of a dead horse, or even bad luck. DeadCoyote says that he doesn't believe in it either, but he's been acting weird around me ever since he accidentally fired his muzzleloader with the ramrod still in the barrel. That was yesterday, and his nose is still swelled from the impact of the scope busting him in the face. He mumbled something about me rubbing off on him; I told him that he was the idiot that shot Danny Lee. Maybe he was rubbing off on me. But then, we don't believe in bad luck and curses, right?


Julie said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't find thing and forgets where I put them. Most of the time when I do that it's because I've got to many things going on. I hope nobody digs you up and plays with your bones.
As for the giant rat, good luck. Set traps as much as you can. Sounds like the last house I lived in. I'm still thanking God the house we are in now does not have that problem.

pappy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
brother terry said...

Ummm... Maybe Danny Lee will RIP if you bury his bones.

I mean really, a bone helmet?

I've been in the rat predicament before. It's best to have the pellet gun already in position for the shot like you're Turkey Hunting.

Trust me.

Good Luck!

ColinM said...

You think maybe you could video the rat hunt, whisper something like,

"We have scouted the area, and saw some signs just over there..."

just to set it up, and bam [dub in a .270 shot sound]. I think it would make a stellar hunting video. Have a night vision camera?

Sojourner said... might be on to something here, Colin. I could mass market my brand new "Rat and Mouse Caller 2000" which mimics the mating call of a mouse. For camo, we could sell kitchen floor patterns or shag carpet suits.

brother terry said...

Linoleum Ghillie suits!

Be sure and whisper in the voice over; it adds a sense of realism.

Shooting hours are from Letterman Top 10 through the end of Conan.

Good Hunting.

Daniel said...

During your tenure with the horse hip chapeau, did you accidently incant anything in Latin or perhaps in Sanskrit - while wandering around the church (backwards) at midnight? You might not remember actually chanting anything - as this deadcoyote guy if he remembers your eyes getting all unfocused for a few minutes while you spoke in a creepy whisper a bunch of (seemingly) nonsense.

Really, the incantation isn't where the curse lies - it is in the backwards walking around the church building at midnight - I just through in the incantation to make it sound scary...

Waterfall said...

When my mom and dad get back to Louisiana next week, ask them about Hugh's giant rat dream. He'll know what you're talking about it, and you are sure to get a laugh out of it!

Mike Perrigoue said...

This is very funny. If I didn't have the flu right now I'd hurts my throat to even think about laughing right now. But then again, its probably not very funny to you...yet...