Friday, January 13, 2006

On The Brink of Madness

I consider myself to be a fairly patient and level-headed individual. This could be simple pride, but I believe that those who know me would testify to the truth of that. But something has happened to me today which I cannot abide or deal with in a mature manner. I have almost lost all semblance of my Christian character. What is this horrible thing that has happened?...I have lost a key.

My father-in-law was gracious enough to let me borrow his Honda ATV. In order to crank this thing, you have to have the key. A little, 1/2 inch, black key. If it is lost, one has to actually take the ignition off of the four-wheeler and take it down to the dealership where they will attempt to make a new key.

The thing that drive me utterly mad is that the stupid key is in this house! Somewhere, that key is simply lying there, probably in the open. Or it may be, as I am coming to believe, the key has inadvertently slipped into a hole in the space-time continuum, and short of a Star Trek science miracle, I will never see that key again. Actually, I think that the only way that I will ever manage to close the space-time rift would be to get out my tools, take off the ignition thingy, go down to the Honda place and spend at least $50, and then that key will re-materialize on this particular plane of existence...most likely on my dresser.

Please pray for me. I am having trouble thinking about anything other than this key. I cannot sit still for more than two minutes without going scrounging for it. Also, if my wife asks me, "Where do you remember having it last?" or "Why don't you retrace your steps?" one more time I may start tearing my hair out. Other phrases that may provoke utter madness are, "Did you look under the ______?" Or, "Did you check your pockets?"

8 comments:

Daniel said...

It was probably in your pants pocket and fell out onto the bench seat of your truck where it slipped into the crack between the seat and the back of the seat.

I measure just how insane I am in these sorts of things by how many times I check to see if I didn't somehow leave it in the fridge.

ColinM said...

Right, Daniel...exactly along the lines I was thinking...

I was going to add to the insanity by suggesting you check the freezer.

Waterfall said...

Are you sure it isn't in the ignition to the ATV? ;-) (Sorry if that drives you mad! But I know EXACTLY how you feel!)

brother terry said...

When I was about 2 years old my Grandpa rode me to the store on the lawnmower.

While we were there, the key came up missing. He had to get a new ignition.

When I was a teenager, we were going though some of my toddler clothes and found the key in the pocket of a pair of overalls.

It was on me all the time!

peace,

pappy said...

Maybe you left it in the ignition. Where do you remember last seeing it? (did I mention that Amy and I think alike) Did you check under the ____? Did you check Ethan's overalls? Maybe Terry put it in Ethans overalls.

:)

pappy said...

I just had a brilliant idea...why don't you try retracing your steps on the day you lost it...

MColvin said...

I did the same type thing yesterday about my wallet. I lost all control, was feverishly mad because I knew it had to be nearby. I eventually found it and realized that I had acted the fool for 30 minutes over nothing. And yes, even though people intend good by "helping" with suggestions, it can be terribly irritating. I searched my car and it wasn't there. I found my wife retracing my steps and my first thought is, "I've already done that, it can't be there! Stop degrading me!" Even though she wasn't, it feels that way. By the way, I found my wallet later.....in my car.

Grounded & Rooted said...

Prayer is the "key"...

I am sorry I couldn't resist.