Saturday, December 03, 2005

Oh By the Way, There is No Such Thing as Santa Claus

I am going to go ahead and get some of my Christmas pet peeve out early. After all, the radio stations are already going over to 24 hour a day "Christmas" music. I'm in the spirit, the soap box spirit that is.

Let me just get it out in the open from the get go: I can't stand Santa Claus. To me, he's the fat man that has burgled Christmas. That's right, he has burgled it. What are you supposed to do as a God-fearing redneck when a fat man in a suit goes sneaking around your house at night with a burglar's bag over his back? You club him to death with a frozen slab of meat, that's what you do. That's what this metaphoric, red suit wearing, jelly stomached elf has done: He snuck in and stole Christmas. Oh yeah, on the surface he seems harmless, but underneath he's a green skinned Grinch devil. Sometimes, he even has the gall to show up at a nativity scene. No doubt there are horns under that stupid hat of his.

Before you start howling in protest, let me say that I like the story of Saint Nicholas. The real one, that is. I will tell it, as the legend that it is, to my children to explain about how Santa Claus started out...before the world took him and perverted him into an elf from the North Pole.

Why, you might ask, am I so miffed at the Rosy Cheeked Hoodlum? Let me count the ways:

1. He takes the focus away from Jesus Christ.
2. Parents routinely tell ridiculous lies to their children on his behalf and to keep the silly ruse going.
3. As a child, I never believed it. It was too absurd for me. And guess what...I still got presents every Christmas.
4. Christian families get their children more excited about Santa than Jesus.
5. Santa Claus encourages a works based system of reward that is antithetical to Grace based salvation.
6. The only good thing about reindeer? Venison. The good thing about a red-nosed reindeer? Easy target.
7. He is in league with the Easter Bunny.

So there you have it. I am out before the whole world as a Santa hater. I guess that makes me an anti-Santite. I only like one aspect of our commercial Santa Claus: I will laugh when parents get angry because my son spills the beans to all their children. Bah humbug and merry Christmas!

1 comment:

Gummby said...

Goes along with #1, but is endowed with abilities only God has. Knows what you think, what you've done, whether good or bad. On many levels, he competes with God.
Great post.