10 Dumb Things I've Done Since Being Married

Just for fun, I thought I'd share 10 Dumb things I've done in my marriage for your edification. These are off the top off my head and done in under 10 minutes, and they are not in order of dumbness:

#10 I once compared my wife's spaghetti unfavorably with my mothers.

#9 Just after my wife received a scheduled dose of potocin to begin labor, our doctor and anesthesiologist were called away on an emergency. I tried to break the tension with a joke. I said, "Well, now you'll at least get to feel one good contraction before the epidural." One contraction later and the joke was not funny at all.

#8 Early in my marriage, I gave an honest answer about a less-than-stellar food experiment my wife slaved over. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

#7 I tried to convince my wife that it would be a good idea for me to go to the "Together for the Gospel" Conference a week before the baby was due.

#6 I once shaved off my beard on a whim and came to bed, nearly inducing a heart-attack when my wife saw a strange man in the bedroom.

#5 The inability to distinguish between permission and approval is a constant dumb mistake. The tip off: When the wife's arms are crossed, her brows are furrowed, and she fires off, "Fine! Do what you want to!" That doesn't mean you necessarily should.

#4 I once mentioned how much money we could save if we would change the car oil ourselves.

#3 I interpreted the request for "help" with the post-pregnancy diet to mean that I should point out that ice cream and potato chips are fattening.

#2 I once thought it would be a good idea if I was in charge of balancing the checkbook. Apparently, "keeping up with it in my head" doesn't cut it with the wife.

#1 I got stuck on 8 things and asked my wife for help. Let's just say I found out that this list could be much longer.

Hopefully my idiocy will be to your benefit, and we can rest assured that I have grown in sanctification from each blunder. Amen.